i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I'm both gender and math confused
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
