I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
