Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Randomize
