I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
