Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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