I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
