so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
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