My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
