I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Randomize
