my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
