why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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