i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
tell me about the eggs
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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