whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I would fuck him just for his dog
Randomize
