Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
