That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
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