im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
