and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
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