Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
We had to coat check the pizza.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
