His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
