I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
