Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
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