she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
