guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Randomize
