so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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