you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
i think i scared a bird with my dick
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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