I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
