Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
