guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
Operation Purity has been aborted
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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