i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
