he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
Randomize
