He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Just pee around me
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
