Umm I'm too high to move.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
