Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
