I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
