Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
