sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I forget how to act sober
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
