three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Randomize
