I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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