I want to have your abortion
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
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