cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
