how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize
