Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Randomize
