I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Randomize
