he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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