i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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