So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Everclear isn't food dammit
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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