A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
