Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
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