a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize
