My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Randomize
