My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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