I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Text me some of your sweat
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
