I showed him my bush... on skype.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Randomize
