I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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